Happy New Year!!

It's 2010 and it is a brand new year full of so many things for everyone. some good some bad. it is a year of goodbyes. a year of new beginnings. a year of hopes and dreams. a year of birth and also death. it is so amazing to me to think of everything that will happen in this year. some things will be expected like graduations or birthdays. some will not like a promotion or affair. tears will be shed. tears of joy and tears of sadness. songs will be sung. you know someone out there right now is singing i'm too sexy by right said fred.

 a new year. it's such a blessing to have this new year. i don't even care what it brings. i don't care if this year... this year could be the one that i get my yorkie. this year i get an amazing job that is unexpected.  i have a whole new year. a year to make my own. 365 days to make choices, to wake up, smiling, and to do everything that i dream about doing.  this year i get to chose who i am to love and i get to say this is enough when i hurt. i get to say you know what diabetes i am not gonna let you make me feel bad. i am not gonna let you take away my days or nights. i will not let you take my life and make it any less than what it was meant to be because you know what i am meant to be great. maybe not to hundreds and maybe not in amazing ways but i am meant to be great to at least one. i am meant to be a great big sister and i am meant to be a great daughter. i am meant to be a great friend and soon i am meant to be a great nurse. one day i will be a great wife and i know i am meant to be a great mom.  this year will be filled with thousands of test strips for my blood sugar. this year will be filled with hours of trying to figure out what to eat, when to eat, and how much insulin to take. nights of low blood sugars and painful shots.

this year there will be more than one moment of weakness. there will be more than one moment when i say, "i can't." i can't do it anymore. i can't get up again and stumble to the kitchen to find anything that will stop me from shaking. i can't take another shot and i can't stop thinking about this disease.

i'm meant to be great though. this year i am meant to be great.