oh what to write??

i literally have been sitting here for about 20 minutes trying to decide what i'm gonna write and still have nothing...

ok, i will talk about my night last night. well back up i will first tell you that on average you swallow 8 spiders in your life time.  i learned this a couple months ago from a snapple bottle. frankly i was shocked and honestly a little concerned. How are these said spiders getting into my mouth and do they crawl down my throat? how am i not feeling any of this? do they happen to just fly in my mouth when i am riding a bike? going fast down a hill? because if that is the case, i can tell you with confidence that this scenario will not happen 8 times in my life! are they big spiders? tiny spiders? can they lay eggs in my stomach? these questions need to be answered for me to feel safe ever again.

 so last night i was sleeping in the back room on an air mattress because my bed is not very comfortable and it is almost like a sauna in my room. so naturally i was a little uneasy sleeping close to the ground but i decided to go through with it. i fell asleep pretty quickly but woke up at around 2:00 because i thought i heard something. it was nothing. or so i thought. two hours later i awoke again to a dark object moving east over my hand and onto the bed. it almost looked like a wasp in the dark and i was squinting through my sleep eyes. i focused and took my phone to make a flashlight... and there he was. i spider the size of my fist. or a quarter. either way it was bigger than i had wanted it to be. my immediate thought was that this little creature was headed straight for my saliva glands. he was determined to be a statistic. it was his destiny and nothing was getting in his way.  Well not today my friend, not today. i flicked him into the dark distance and uneasily layed back down. i woke up every thirty minutes or so to make sure my mouth was closed tight and he wasn't back for round two!! i know he is out there somewhere just waiting for me to get on a bike and coast down a hill so he can test his fate once again!!!

I hope everyone is having a great day!!

The New Year

Sooo... it has been a month and a half since i have posted something on here and my last post was all about how i was going to write something everyday. Hmmm... well that didn't really work out so much. I am writing on here today though and it is probably gonna be a long one. since i have some things on my mind.  so get ready to read!!

First thing, i had an amazing Christmas and i hope everyone else did as well. it is so fun to see the little ones wake up and get excited to see all the gifts santa left for them. i remember one christmas when jake and i were little and we swore we heard reindeer on the roof. the anticipation of what was to come is just so thrilling.  I didn't get my puppy that i asked for but there is always next year. harrison said i didn't get it because santa just hasn't found the right puppy for me yet. he is sweet. sometimes he pushes his limits but is still really sweet.

The christmas season has not been that bad on my diabetes. mainly because recently i have decided to cut back on how much i eat. everyone's body is different and i guess mine just can't handle being stuffed with food. i did eat all the cookies and fudge i wanted, but it just wasn't the regular amount that i would normally eat.  so, my blood sugars have been great!  i did have a breakdown about a week or two ago and i have come to the realization that i'm gonna have those from time to time.  a lot of people through these ten years have told me that eventually it will all become second nature to me. i agree that in time it will get easier as most things do but, i don't think there will ever be a day when i don't hate diabetes.  most days i won't hate it very much and it will be a great day. my blood sugars will be normal and everything else goes as planned. that will be a great day. on some days though nothing goes as planned i will fall on my broken ankle while trying my best to get out of bed to treat the blow blood sugar. those days i will hate diabetes a little more than usual. i think the trick is to make the great days outweigh the bad ones. this goes for so many other aspects of life too.

i was sitting here reading all the wonderful status updates on facebook and everyone planning their new year's festivities and it got me thinking about the new year. 2010. it is a whole new adventure. a brand new, exciting adventure.  i don't really ever make resolutions because by january 3rd they are already out the window. it is just another thing to feel like a failure about in my opinion. so, i'm not gonna make one but i do want to try new things. i really feel like i can do a much better job of things than what i do. the main thing i want to do better is loving people. it seems so simple of a word with a thousand different meanings. it is so easy as a society to hide or walk away from something that might be uncomfortable. for example if you see a stranger that may need help, whether it be an elderly person struggling with their groceries or someone stuck on the side of the road. how many times have you thought they look like they need some help and walked away. i know i have so many times because i was afraid. not afraid of being hurt but afraid that the situation would be awkward. i can't even count how many times i have wanted to tell someone that means so much to me that i love them but have stopped myself because i was afraid they would think it was weird.  i hate that i have put limitations on showing love in any kind of way because i know how great it feels when someone unexpected shows me love. in simple little ways. i can only hope that by me changing this little part of who i am that i can maybe just make someone's day a little better. make someone see that loving doesn't have to be some grand gesture. loving doesn't have to take a lot of time or even a lot of effort. It only needs a little push from somewhere inside. a push from your heart instead of your head.

I think this new year i'm gonna write a book too. i don't know what about yet but i think it would be fun!