Working Blows!!!

I wondered when someone was gonna actually say something about me not writing on here!!! Thank you emily!! I have been so busy!! I have been working my butt off! I haven't had a day off in almost two weeks, but I'm making a lot of money so that is good. Yes, I am checking my blood sugar, and yes I am taking my medicine. I am even eating right, although I did have a cadbury egg today because it just looked so delicious. I almost got some peeps too but I decided not to for the simple fact that they make green ones now and I think that is just wrong. I'm doing good though. I had a manicure and pedicure this morning, ran some errands and had a salad at lunch. I have to work again tonight, but I have the whole weekend off!!! I'm going to the beach!!!

Hats off to me!!

I woke up at eight this morning. took my blood sugar. It was high so I gave my self some insulin and then went to starbucks for me tea. While I was there I called my girl that waxes my eyebrows and she said she could see me right away and give me a facial!!! It was fantastic. I then went shoping. It has been a pretty freaking good day so far. I hate saying that cause as soon as I do something is going to go wrong. I said it anyway though! I don't really understand why it has to be so hot in Florida. I mean i really feel like people that live here would be ten percent happier if it wasn't so hot. Even early in the morning it's hot. I'm surprised that there are overweight people that live here. Sweating is like an all day thing for me. I don't even use the phrase, "I'm sweaty" anymore cause it would be always stating the obvious. My facial this morning was so nice though. She started and I was all relaxed then she put this thing over my face that shot hot steam at me. I was like you've got to be kidding me???? I'm already steamed up enough. I can guarentee that my pores were already open cause it is so hot here!!!! I have this problem of laughing at very inappropriate times. I really can't help it. At the doctors office when he is telling me something very important, in the middle of a movie when everyone is silent, when i'm having a deep meaningful conversation with someone, and today in the middle of my facial. It is all quiet and serene with music playing in the back round. It was very nice, but then all of the sudden this new song came on and it was like indians calling cattle or something. It was crazy and just completely unexpected. It's hard not to laugh at that sort of stuff, you know? Well anyway I'm gonna go have lunch maybe do some laundry or something.

well...

So I just woke up and it is three in the p.m.. I have kind of a good reason though. I had three, yes three low blood sugars in the middle of the night. i do not know what was wrong with me I just could not get my sugar to stay up. The last one was bad too. I think i ate half the jar of peanut butter. I'm just kind of wiped out right now. I probably should not have slept until three though. I actually don't know how I did it because i think the little ones have formed an alliance against me and they try to see which one can bust my ear drums first. I think Lila is in the lead. She just screams for no reason at all. I just don't get it? I mean I don't remember being a kid and screaming for every emotion possible. I'm starting to think she might just stop talking one of these days. Anyway, I have to work in a little bit, hopefully I won't stay up too late so I can get back on some sort of a routine.

lets just finish off with a bang!!

So lets have a recap of my day. Woke up, wait I take that back I haven't sleep yet. I'm getting pretty good at that. Went to Starbucks, had my tea. I burnt my tongue on it this morning. I was a little too overzealous. Umm, ran some errands went and ate luch with my mom. Went to the movies and abided by every state law. came home talked on the phone for about four hours, by the way my cell phone bill last month was $270. Ate some really fattening chicken and potatoes. Put on my work out clothes but never made it to the gym. Took my insulin all day but not my blood sugar. All in all i think i hit one out of the park today, and by that i mean totally did everything that i am not supposed to do. Hmmm, I did get to talk to a lot of people that I love very much so that was a great part of the day, and I can't hate on the burning hot tea cause it was still delicious. Well I guess I can just call it a loss and move on to tomorrow. Have a good night, see you in the morning!

ok...not so much

So it is now almost five in the p.m. and I haven't checked my sugar but i have taken my medicine and I have eaten healthy, except for the popcorn I just ate at the movie theater. It is illegal in the state of Florida to go to a movie and not get popcorn. Who knew right? What a silly law but i was not gonna be the one to break it!!! :) I'll do better I promise. I'm going to work out and check my sugar!!!!

A new thing

Ok so I'm gonna start something new and hopefully it will get me where I want to be on my diabetes path. I'm gonna start using this as my journal everyday. Just kind of a recap of how my day went diabetes wise. What I ate, how I felt and stuff like that. So here is where all of you that read this come in. Kick my butt if I don't do it. Comment to me. Make me feel bad. I won't hold it against you, I promise. I mean you don't have to be mean about it or anything. You know just a reminder that I forgot to put in my entry for the day. So this is the start of it... I haven't slept at all cause there was a lot on my mind last night. I went to starbucks and got my tea. Umm, I haven't checked my blood sugar yet and it is almost 11. I have a crazy idea that it is gonna be high. I know its a bad start, but i will get better. I'm pretty pumped about this idea, I think it's gonna help me a lot.

oh me!

I am tired today. I love my siblings. They are such a joy to be around. I get the best of both worlds. I have Jake to turn to for advice, a good laugh or a good heart to heart. On the other side i have Greyson, Harrison, and Lila, which I now just refer to as a collective, the little ones. So anyway, I have the little ones who keep me entertained and on my toes. They are so innocent and just so full of life and un-tainted. They don't know of pain or hurting yet and they aren't worn by the trials of life. Hanging out with them is such a breath of fresh air. Who knew that playing transformers or having tea parties is just what you need to take a step away for reality and just breathe.

Valentine's Day

So... It's Valentine's Day, which sucks. I like to call it Stupid Cupid Day. It's just lame. There is too much pressure to get someone a gift and be romantic. If you want to be romantic how about do it on a day when 50 million other people aren't doing it. I am a hopeless romantic though so as i sat in starbucks this morning I daydreamed of my cute neighbor friend, I use the term friend loosely cause in all reality all he knows about me is that I like his hands, would walk in and decide to adore me forever. He didn't show up though. As i was sipping my tea though a realization hit me, as they all do in my morning tea times with the starbucks crew. I realized that I will know that i have found true love when I am in Chicago and my boyfriend gets up before me goes out into the windy, cold, freezing, snowy, morning and walks a block to the nearest starbucks to get me my tea. That is love!!! I hope everyones day is filled with lots of love!!!

Not so black and white

So the past week and a half has been pretty down. I have found myself unfocused and feeling myself start to not care again. This past weekend I went out with some friends who don't really care about me. They are the people that i work with and the ones that try to peer pressure me into drinking. Don't get me wrong it was no ones choice but my own, but the friends that really care for me are the ones that say lets go see a movie or something so i don't even have the choice in front of me. Anyway i have felt pretty bad. I haven't been taking my medicine and simply I just have started to not care again. I know that I will not get another chance at this and I am so scared that i am going to get on this cycle again. The most disturbing thing i think this past week was that on saturday I drank a lot. Not meaning to by any means. I was just out with a bunch of people and we started playing drinking games and on sunday I felt like I had felt just before I went into the hospital the last time. I couldn't keep down any water but after everytime I threw up I would chug another glass cause I was so thirsty. It was bad. I was really scared. I wish that this whole thing was black and white. I wish that i was totally into it and taking care of every aspect of my life or i was totally not into it and pretty much dead. It is a shade of gray that will never be found. A shade that has so many dimensions that no matter how you try to figure it out it just gets that much more unclear. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better start. I know that I will never be perfect, I just hope I'm good enough to survive this gray.

Cinderella

I was reading in my bible study the other morning and I was so freaking emotional. It was like I would read a paragraph and a little piece of my heart would hurt with everything that was said. It was good though cause it is stuff that I really think I was meant to deal with and for so long I have just pushed it away. This time here in Florida is something that i think I am gonna look back on and really cherish even though right now I am totally hating it. There was this one thing that really hit me hard. The author wrote that what a lot of women don't realize is that God is the ultimate prince charming and so many women have forgot that she is cinderella. That just hit me so hard cause I am cinderella in a lot of ways. I have had anything but the perfect life and I have turned to so many other things to make me feel like a princess and really when I think about it, God has been the onlly one to make me still believe in that kind of love. No matter what my past has been or no matter what my future will hold. God will always be that prince charming holding my true, pure heart in his hands saying I'm here for you and everything is going to be ok.