I'm writing on here again cause i really feel better when i write down my thoughts instead of them just whirling away in my head.
I think as you guys know i'm a big fan of love. love can heal all things. all you need is love. that sort of stuff. I'm such a fan of being in love. I absolutely can not wait to be in love again. the kind of love that you have to stay awake just one more hour cause talking for eight hours straight just isn't enough. The kind of love that when you find out his favorite thing to do is curl up and watch movies, your heart skips a beat and the kind of love that makes you feel like you are the most beautiful, most lucky, most wonderful, and adored person on the earth. that is one of the best feelings ever. I would have to say that a very close second would be eating a really good cupcake. :)
I went and saw baby mama tonight and it's probably because i'm on my period and probably cause i'm about to turn twenty-five but of course i wanted one. A baby that is, for those of you who weren't quite clear on what i was referring to. I mean i don't really want one but i kind of do. it kind of got me thinking about things. Don't jump to conclusions, i wasn't analyzing things!!! just thinking about stuff. My fear of not being able to have kids is kind of an issue with me. It's actually not that big of a deal anymore cause there are so many other ways that i can have a family, it was just a thought.
Mainly what has been on my mind and it kind of has been for a while is my bio-dad. it still hurts and i know it always will. Actually i take that back it is not really a hurt, but kind of a sting. That sounds better. it stings a little when i think of him. It stings when i think about memories. It's funny cause he was the first person to ever break my heart. Its not supposed to be like that. Your dad is someone that should never cause you hurt and its funny cause he was the first and probably the worst. I mean i've dated guys and had friends that have hurt me but eventually i stop crying. eventually i can say truthfully that i'm ok. I hate more than anything that i'll never be able to say that about him. I want so badly just to say it's his loss, he missed out but really it's my loss too. i missed out on a lot. I know its not my fault and i am so unbelievably lucky to have a father in my life that would never hurt me, because i'm his daughter. we may not have the same blood running through our veins but i know more than anything that he loves me just the same.
i hope everyone had a great day...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Blah...
I woke up to my alarm clock this morning at around 8. I hit the snooze for about 45 minutes until i couldn't anymore cause i felt the uneasiness of a low blood sugar. Barely awake and hardly able to function i squeezed the glucose gel into my mouth and started taking deep breaths waiting for the feeling of normalcy to creep back into my body. It was 37 this morning, which is pretty low. My day has been pretty blah since then. my stomach has been all messed up today, which is nothing really unusual. I have just kind of felt gross all day. I have just been in bed. I've been productive but it has all been through emailing, and getting information on my chicago stuff. Since i have a laptop i decided that i really didn't need to go anywhere with it. I think i might walk to starbucks here in a little bit though. I'm really just trying to do everything i can so i don't have to sit down and pay bills or do laundry, which are probably two of my least favorite things to do. ugh!! i just feel so gross today. blah...
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
oh my goodness!!!!!
It has been a while, i know i know. I have been getting crap from all of you for not writing on here!!! just kidding. Honestly i really don't even have a good reason why i haven't written on here. Just lazy, i guess. I have been feeling a little bit better lately. I was going through some rough patches not really knowing physically what was wrong with me. Everything was making me sick and making me feel bad. it's a little better now though. i think the conclusion may have come to be chrone's disease. At this point i would actually welcome that verdict just for the simple fact of knowing what is the matter.
So, i kind of spent this weekend lost in my thoughts about my life and i have come to the conclusion that i hate doing that. i do it all the freaking time too. I get in these moods where all i do is analyze and after i analyze for so long all i come up with is that i over analyze. I've decided that life, love, and all my happiness is gonna be whatever it is gonna be. No matter if i spend hours upon hours obsessing about it or if i just wing it. It's gonna end up the same way. Some no more analyzing for me... yeah right. I know that is what you all were thinking!!!! I'm really gonna try though.
I hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!!
So, i kind of spent this weekend lost in my thoughts about my life and i have come to the conclusion that i hate doing that. i do it all the freaking time too. I get in these moods where all i do is analyze and after i analyze for so long all i come up with is that i over analyze. I've decided that life, love, and all my happiness is gonna be whatever it is gonna be. No matter if i spend hours upon hours obsessing about it or if i just wing it. It's gonna end up the same way. Some no more analyzing for me... yeah right. I know that is what you all were thinking!!!! I'm really gonna try though.
I hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Funny Stuff!!!
I had to put this on here for everyone to read because it made me laugh so hard!!! Mainly because i could see myself writing something like this at least once a month!!!!
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman, sent to American
company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She
really
gets rolling after the first paragraph... This letter was named PC
Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning
letter....
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak
Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up
and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to
be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month
is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me
to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -- actual smiling,
laughing, happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always....
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman, sent to American
company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She
really
gets rolling after the first paragraph... This letter was named PC
Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning
letter....
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak
Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up
and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to
be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month
is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely
realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me
to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -- actual smiling,
laughing, happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always....
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
learning the hard way
Well, I'm back from california and i had so much fun!!! I came back with a couple of things. A lot of clothes, an addiction to humus and carrots, some really great memories, some new friends, and the realization that i'm not invincible. While i was there i cut my foot and i didn't realize it until I saw the blood. Which means that i didn't feel it. I don't really know how much any of you know about diabetes but they always say to watch your feet because that is the first place that ends up not getting blood circulation. So, i'm sure you all can guess how i felt about the not feeling of a cut on my foot. it was kind of a mixture of shock, worry, hate, sadness, and what the hell am i going to do feeling. it was a realization of having diabetes. I have a disease. A disease that weakens my body to certain things and that is something that i eventually have to deal with. i push it away because i just don't want to face the fact that i have a disease that will continue to weaken my body to things. i push it away because i don't want to face the truth that if i don't take care of myself or even if i take care of myself to the best of my ability, i still may lose my foot or leg. I still may have heart failure, or kidney failure. i still may never be able to have children. i still may lose my life sooner than i should...
my first initial reaction was and is right now to cry. cry because of the unfairness of it all. cry because no matter how hard i try, it could still not be enough. but, crying isn't gonna make all that less possible. crying isn't gonna make me able to have kids or keep my foot from being amputated. I don't know if there is anything that can really prevent that from happening and i guess what i have had to learn is that living isn't what you do or when you do it. What you say or didn't. it's how we do everything thats worth anything. How we take each day just as it comes. How we make something out of nothing and how when we fall we gracefully get back up. How we do the best we can when we don't want to try or how we love when it hurts. making decisions with confidence even when they could be the wrong ones and most of all learning something new every day and completely different from the day before. I have a disease and although it is the biggest part of my life and yes maybe i will suffer from the complications of it. but it will never keep me from hoping for a cure, dreaming of helping chidren, loving with all my heart, laughing at small things, or living a wonderful full life.
I hope everyone is having a great week.
my first initial reaction was and is right now to cry. cry because of the unfairness of it all. cry because no matter how hard i try, it could still not be enough. but, crying isn't gonna make all that less possible. crying isn't gonna make me able to have kids or keep my foot from being amputated. I don't know if there is anything that can really prevent that from happening and i guess what i have had to learn is that living isn't what you do or when you do it. What you say or didn't. it's how we do everything thats worth anything. How we take each day just as it comes. How we make something out of nothing and how when we fall we gracefully get back up. How we do the best we can when we don't want to try or how we love when it hurts. making decisions with confidence even when they could be the wrong ones and most of all learning something new every day and completely different from the day before. I have a disease and although it is the biggest part of my life and yes maybe i will suffer from the complications of it. but it will never keep me from hoping for a cure, dreaming of helping chidren, loving with all my heart, laughing at small things, or living a wonderful full life.
I hope everyone is having a great week.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
So.....
Well of course i couldn't sleep so I'm writing on here again. I read through a lot of my blogs, which i like to do sometimes, just to remember. I learn a lot of things too when I do this. This is what I learned this time...
Life is full of so many surprises. Good, bad, ugly. Surprises that sometimes have no resolutions. Surprises that God springs on us without hesitation. Not because we have been bad or good but because its all part of it. It's part of life. The hiccups. God's way of giving us a surprise to let us know we are still breathing. A trip or a fall to let us know that we can still be hurt. A text message that says, "you're beautiful" to remember that we are loved. A disease to figure out what your purpose on this earth is. Life is full of so many surprises. That saying has never rang more true to me.
I also learned that no matter how down I am and no matter how defeated i have been I have always been able to get up. I have always been able to hold onto something tight enough that i don't lose my grip. One of my brothers friends committed suicide last week and when my mom told me about it, my heart hurt. My heart hurt to think of how lost, low, and alone he must have felt to end his own life. I know how bad i have felt at times and to think that he was probably a million times worse it made me literally hurt for him. I can't even tell you how many hours i have spent trying to figure out life, faith, and what the hell i'm supposed to be doing at times. The only thing I can come up with everytime is to love. To love God the best way you know how, and to love others the best way you can. Love yourself when you don't really feel like you deserve it. Love the things you have and love that you don't have everything you want but you have everything you need. Simply love.
There is also the saying, "laughter is the best medicine." I am such a firm believer in this. I laugh a lot and I don't think it's enough. I love it when little things make me smile and giggle to myself. For example when I see two ducks fighting in the pond. end of story. that just makes me giggle. Sometimes i just break out in a little dance. no one is around to see me or anything but it makes me laugh. sometimes i can write some really funny text messages that make me laugh to myself. sometimes out of the blue i'll do a kung fu move that makes me laugh. Sometimes i say a cuss word like I'm really mad for no reason at all, but I'm not really mad at anything. That really makes me giggle. Stuff like that is what makes life worth living, you know? I'm actually laughing right now. For some reason squirrels really make me laugh too. just watching them and imagining what they are thinking, like what plan they are scheming up. I always think they are scheming something up in their tiny little brains. I think it is because the hold their hands together really close to their mouths like they are planning something really risky. All I know is i keep a close watch whenever i'm near one!!
I hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!
Life is full of so many surprises. Good, bad, ugly. Surprises that sometimes have no resolutions. Surprises that God springs on us without hesitation. Not because we have been bad or good but because its all part of it. It's part of life. The hiccups. God's way of giving us a surprise to let us know we are still breathing. A trip or a fall to let us know that we can still be hurt. A text message that says, "you're beautiful" to remember that we are loved. A disease to figure out what your purpose on this earth is. Life is full of so many surprises. That saying has never rang more true to me.
I also learned that no matter how down I am and no matter how defeated i have been I have always been able to get up. I have always been able to hold onto something tight enough that i don't lose my grip. One of my brothers friends committed suicide last week and when my mom told me about it, my heart hurt. My heart hurt to think of how lost, low, and alone he must have felt to end his own life. I know how bad i have felt at times and to think that he was probably a million times worse it made me literally hurt for him. I can't even tell you how many hours i have spent trying to figure out life, faith, and what the hell i'm supposed to be doing at times. The only thing I can come up with everytime is to love. To love God the best way you know how, and to love others the best way you can. Love yourself when you don't really feel like you deserve it. Love the things you have and love that you don't have everything you want but you have everything you need. Simply love.
There is also the saying, "laughter is the best medicine." I am such a firm believer in this. I laugh a lot and I don't think it's enough. I love it when little things make me smile and giggle to myself. For example when I see two ducks fighting in the pond. end of story. that just makes me giggle. Sometimes i just break out in a little dance. no one is around to see me or anything but it makes me laugh. sometimes i can write some really funny text messages that make me laugh to myself. sometimes out of the blue i'll do a kung fu move that makes me laugh. Sometimes i say a cuss word like I'm really mad for no reason at all, but I'm not really mad at anything. That really makes me giggle. Stuff like that is what makes life worth living, you know? I'm actually laughing right now. For some reason squirrels really make me laugh too. just watching them and imagining what they are thinking, like what plan they are scheming up. I always think they are scheming something up in their tiny little brains. I think it is because the hold their hands together really close to their mouths like they are planning something really risky. All I know is i keep a close watch whenever i'm near one!!
I hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
California here I come!!!
Ok, well I'm off to cali!!! I'm so excited I'm leaving in four hours!! I probably should be asleep but i just can't because I'm so freaking pumped!!! We are going to the price is right tomorrow and then to the ellen show on thursday so watch for me in the next couple of days being a superstar!!!! I'm having a low blood sugar right now so I hope that is no indication of how the trip will go. I'll try and write when I'm there but let's be honest I don't really write when I'm at home, so we'll see! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
