Letting Go

I have realized that letting go is so hard to do. Letting go of things and people that made me feel safe. I felt safe in my lies about taking care of myself. I felt safe in hiding behind something that was killing me. It goes the same for some of the people in my life. I had to let go of some that I felt safe in but were not making me happy. It is tough letting all that go. For the past eight years I have felt safe and comfortable and now I feel scared and sad. I have so many people in my life that are amazing. They have pulled me and pushed me through things i would not have done alone. I was watching grey's last thursday and the ending was everything I have felt for so long. Grey said that although the thing that hurts us the most is painful it is less than the pain of letting it go. Letting go of everything is hard to do. Eight years of lies, hiding, and fear. It was killing me, but letting go of my safe place is hard. Letting go of the people that made me feel safe is hard. I have so many times tricked myself into thinking that some of these people were good for me. I put them in a light that was never true. I wanted them to be something that they never could be, or ever wanted to be. Its not their fault. They are good people at heart. Anyway, just thinking about that. I have had a pretty good day. My stomach has hurt a little, but then again when doesn't it? So, I am just ok today and that's alright with me.